I haven’t posted anything in a while and I don’t know, I feel the need to so…

I feel like it’s so sad how our relationship turned out. I mean, a couple of months ago we were talking so good and a lot too. We weren’t like the best of friends but it was close but now, it’s completely different. Usually I’d be freaking out and trying to get things back to normal but it’s gotten to the point where I actually don’t even care anymore. Like, I don’t really think about it as much as I used to…it’s just like whatever now. The thing is, even though we do talk, we have nothing to talk about. It’s just awkward conversations. Like hey..whats up…etc. We can’t talk like we used to. A while ago, I tried getting us back to how we were before but it’s just not working. At this point, I guess we weren’t meant to be good friends. Oh well, I don’t know what to do about it because I’ve tried all I could in the past to help our friendship. I didn’t wanna lose you as a friend because I really did care about you but it’s like I don’t care anymore. After a while, I’m just tired of constantly telling you the same thing. It may seem like you have changed but the last time I saw you, you still act the same towards me. It’s sort of disrespectful sometimes, how you act to me. Now, we rarely even talk..I don’t feel the need anymore to IM you or text you or fb you…it’s like I don’t even miss you. Which is a sad thing to say, coming from me because I always care about everyone/thing and I can’t ever let go. It’s so hard but you’ve given me a reason. I honestly still wish we could go back to the way it used to be but I really think it’ll never be like that again :/ 

<3

it’s already been two years since 8th grade…i can’t believe it :/ i miss middle school, believe it or not. i just miss how it was. it was just so easy and carefree. i miss the people i used to go to school with, all those familiar faces i saw everyday in every class. it was a lot easier to become so close with someone in middle school too. i mean, i know a lot more people in high school but i’m not BEST BEST friends with someone. my best friends go to different schools and we still keep in touch but it’s hard. we’re like all separated and it’s sometimes hard to hang out bc not all of us are free at the same time or we have a ton of work. i know i’m only 15, but i feel so old. 2 more years and i’m gonna be a senior :( i don’t even know what i’m gonna do then, omg. just thinking about it gets me so scared. i miss all those hilarious times i had with people in MS. it was just soo fun, now that i think back. in high school, you can’t really be as silly or w.e LOL. i don’t know, you can but you have work. and there are more serious consequences.

i just miss being a kid :( the best gift right now would be to have a tape of my entire life-every single second of it. i want to replay all the moments and just laugh <3 

if any of my friends read this back from MS, i miss you guyss :’( i wish we went to school together .

omfg gossip girl. this was like the most intense episode since the season started. i can’t even begin to..OMG. AHH. i can’t believe blair and chuck got into a car crash and chuck could be dead </3 i know they won’t kill him off tho, they better not. but seriously? next episode on jan 16th.. are you crazy? D: D: i’m dying over here omg. it was such a nice ending, they finally got back together and this happens? omfg..i’m so anxious to see the next episode!!!! :’( 

it’s time i stop because people are taking advantage. the thing is, i thought you would’ve learned by now not to take advantage of me since we’re so close. this time, for real, well..i’ll at least try not to care anymore. ;/ 

I’ve noticed that all my depression and/or anger …is always caused by you. So i definitely have a reason to dislike you very much or even hate you. I choose hate. I’ve thought about it and i know how everyone says that hate is such a strong word but I don’t care. Noone knows how I feel. Everytime our cousins come over, you always turn them against me. I can’t take living with you anymore. I hate…despise seeing your face every single day of my life. My life would be fine. It would be great if you weren’t in it. You cause me to cry…a lot more than I should on a daily basis. I’m actually a very cheerful person, anyone who knows me, knows that. You cause my dark side to come out. You cause all the hardships in my life. Everyone thinks that I’m being over-exaggerated. Does that make sense? Ugh, whatever. But im not! It’s all 150% completely true. I can’t stand you anymore. Now, my own cousins didn’t even say bye to me. Why? Idk. They fear you maybe. I honestly don’t know but I dont care anymore. Bc you guys aren’t the closest people to me. Be like that. All I know is that if you have a sibling, they shouldn’t treat you like that. Especially if they’re younger than you, you don’t talk to me like that. You just don’t. Don’t tell me what to do because they’re my cousins too. Not only yours. You don’t own them. I know one day you will pay for all the pain you’ve caused me. <—LOL, song lyric. But yeah…you will. I know you will. Because things like these, just don’t pass like that. You have to pay the price. Good luck in your life when noone supports you.

today was nice ? mom dropped me off @ the 64 bus stop and as i was getting on the bus, i saw tamara :’D !! i was like omg! you’re coming in 3rd today, YAY LOLL. uh yeah bipolar friendship ;D so went to school…the usual happened. afterschool, i took the bus with my other friend amy bc tamara and them just take a million years. and then the most FUNNIEST/surprising thing happened! as i was walking with amy, which we walk a lot faster than tamara and them..so i was suspecting tamara would still be like all the way down there but NO, they were in front of us. WTF RIGHT?? and we left the school at a regular time too, its not like we left late!! then me and amy started cracking up like crazzyy bc they didnt see us. and its liek they came outta nowhere! thru the entire walk, we didnt see them in front of us. and when a car past by, they were just THERE LMAOO. so i was like omg amy what do i do?! should i call out their names? haha! and she just keeps laughing. then i hide behind her bc i know one of them is gonna see me. so im just like hiding behind her and texting anna. and i say “yoo turn around!” and then a few seconds later, she turns around LOLL. it was funny xD then i got home early today YAY! well at regular time. and we saw jennifer ! :D after we talked to her, tamara goes “idk why but she reminds me of a model” and i said whyyyyyy. but it got noisy when i said that so tamara starts dying on the floor. and im like what? and shes like “you said WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRDDDDDDDDD!!!” im like WHAT???! LOL. i never even said that!! and she insists that i said that. haha she’s funnny. trying to make up stuff i never even said -.- psh. xD 

thanks for making me freeeze to the highest possible limit before i LITERALLY faint of coldness. 

today was such a nice day but SOOOOOOOOOOO tiring. xD me and @smileykatex3 got lost for a long time heehee. and kaitlynn got her dream thing ;D a diary !!! it was soo pretty. my birthday present to her <3 and she got a cute pen to go with it LOL. so, that made her really happy. then what made her extra happy? uhm…funny thing. someone thought she was chinese LMAOO. she was sooooo happpy. :D :D :D 

yippeeee.  ididnt buy anything :/ ehh, i really wanna get my nails done. i think im gonna do my nails now :D some funny moments todayy hehee. 

Highlight of the Day: Oh no…is that _______? OMG WALK WALK WALK!

but nah, ours was … RUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!! ;D 

Brother: I was watching jersey shore today and they were in the club

Me: they’re always in the club…

Brother: Hey loook: it’s pauly J!!

Me: it’s pauly d!!!

Brother: in one of the episodes, they kept saying ITS T-SHIRT TIME!

Me: that’s their song!!!

Brother: why do they call her snooki if her name is nicole?

Me: thats her nicknamee!!!

a guy best friend. and no, not because i wanna love him or anything. a REAL guy best friend. i mean, i’ve had them before. really good ones. but now im in high school and its sad to say, but we’re drifting away :’( i miss them so so sooo much but i cant do anything about it. but either way, our friendship wasn’t like the one i really wanted. we didn’t share everything to each other. we didn’t always count on each other for everything either. i know there are guys like that out there…i just can’t find you :/ i want a guy best friend throughout my high school years. because its four years. i need one, dont i? i really believe guys and girls can be just friends. and not to date, like other people think :P in the movies or shows, the girls who have their guy best friend who is actually nice, sincere to the girl is amazing. i barely see that. but i do sometimes. some of my friends have their guy best friends and they’re actually realllyy nice. i wanna meet my own :) or maybe even a gay guy best friend. that’ll be cool ;D maybe its because the guys haven’t matured yet..bc from what i see in freshmans…some of the guys are just…-___- so immature. i want a guy friend who will actually ask me for advice in stuff, tell me problems hes having and everything. and NO those are not gay guys. STRAIGHT guys can do that tooo ;P its cute. i love it. <3

i didnt write down a moment the last time so here’s a funny one from today:)

it’s a “you had to be there” moment xD

So my global teacher starts handing out review sheets and everyones like WHAT?! you never told us we had a test! and the test is TOMORROW. we’re like wtff ?!?! and then my friend goes:

“what?!?! MISS!!!! you cant do that!!! you never told us we had a test 2mrw! oh hell no! BACK OFF MISS! BACK OFF!!!!!”

LMFAOO. tell me thats not funny. he tells a teacher to back off LMAO. it just cracks me up , xD hilarious moment!!

:/ wahh. im in high school already first of all. sadly, im not getting any taller probably -_____- UGH. haaha..xD

now my parents have like about the same working hrs except my dad’s is longer so now me and my brother stay home. we gotta cook lunch too! and i gotta prepare dinner and everything. SO many responsibilities that i have right now. i feel like im old now :( even tho im sure other teenagers probably have a million more things to do than i have but still. i guess this part of life is SLOW for me :P ughh then i have hw, projects, studying to do and everything. how do i keep up? wow, imagine in my junior year. yikeeeeeeeeeees.

this thanksgiving vacation is turning out to be amazing !!! first, thanksgiving was deliciouss. then, black friday (: woke up at 6:30am and left around 7:30am to roosevelt field mall. at first, it wasnt like..that crowded but then it started to get crowded. like mostly the clothing stores had HUGE lines but other than that, i guess it was OKAY. i didnt get much yesterday, a few things for me and some Christmas presents for my friends and stuff. then i bought some nail things from bed, bath & beyond which made me really happyy ^_^ . bc i painted my nails and it turned out to be AMAZINGG!! except for my right hand bc idk how to paint my nails with my left xD i love the color of my nails tho hehe. then today we went to the mall AGAIN (: around …uhmm 12 or 1pm. and luckily the lines werent as long. only had to wait maybe like 5-10 min? Barely 10 min tho. so that was goood. what did i get todayy? i bought a tshirt from aero. something for my friendd ;D uhmm hoodies from hollister which i love ! its so comfy <3 then from Borders the bookstore i bought this new planner and pen thats so cute! its my Christmas present from my brotherr LOL. then i bought some otther thingss. YUP YUPP. good day!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D